A Guide to Communication

I decided to write about something that I feel a lot of people need some guidance in. Communication is the key to any relationship, not just romantic ones. Letting a person know how you feel and when you feel it is so important, but people often forget to take the other's emotions and reactions into account. So here's my advice...

1. The rule of thumb is to use the word "I." This isn't making it all about you, but it is taking away the pressure the other person might feel. So instead of saying "You make me so angry," you can say "I feel angry because..." This is just one example of re-framing your conversation in order to keep tensions low.

2. Another thing I see from almost every person I have come to know is the fact that people suppress their emotions. Instead of dealing with confrontation, people will often keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves. I know Mama always told us "if we don't have anything to nice to say, don't say it all." This can be true in certain situations. However, just because the other person may be slightly offended by a comment doesn't mean it doesn't deserve to be heard. There are ways to, again frame your words in order to convey a message nicely while still getting your opinions and emotions across.

3. People are not mind readers. I haven't come across any, at least. But you cannot expect a person to understand what it is you are going through if you do not voice it to them. I know sometimes it may feel like they should already know what's going on, but we are often blinded or naive to certain situations.

4. Internalization is important. This is the most vital characteristic to good communication. What it means is that you need to take in everything that is said to you before you react. That is the hardest thing to do because sometimes our emotions cloud our judgement. We act off of impulse and not with intention. This is also the most common form of miscommunication. I find it in almost any argument whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member. We just react to what the other person says before we truly try to understand it. We need to try to take in the words of the other person, give a few moments to understand it and really look for how we want to react in order to maintain a good outcome of the issue. Sometimes we even need to sleep on certain exchanges of words. It isn't a bad thing; in fact it proves that you are willing to really try to comprehend the other person's feelings and want to give them appropriate feedback.

5. Confrontation doesn't mean hostility. Just because someone wants to address a situation with you in person, does not mean they are trying to attack you. This merely means that they want to see your emotions and really hear you out. It is a much more mature way of handling the people we love. It is a true testament to that person's character actually because it shows that they actually care. More often than not, text massages, emails, and even phone calls can be misconstrued. Face-to-face approaches are usually ended with a positive outcome because we can accurately read the other person.

I know that these different aspects may seem repetitive, but that's just because every one of them goes hand-in-hand. Communication is the most important and powerful thing we have as human beings. We can accurately understand exactly what another person is thinking when they tell us. Using good communication skills will positively affect all of your relationships without a doubt. And for the ones that it doesn't, that just proves that that person isn't ready for a committed and serious partnership whether it be platonic or romantic. Good communication can also really help develop your own character in that it matures you immensely and helps navigate you through true friends, family, and people in order to maintain the proper relationships to enjoy a positive life.

~Feed the Soul