Ghostin'

There is never a good way of leaving someone behind. No matter if your intentions are pure or not, that person left behind will be hurt. There is, however, a right way of doing it. You can be kind and compassionate. You can do it in person, talk everything out and leave everything on the table. But anyway, I'm not writing this post to tell someone how to dump someone else. This is about the term "ghosting" and what it really means and does to people.

To break it down, when you get ghosted it means that someone just cuts off all contact with you. There a few different ways of doing it. They can just stop answering, they can block your number, and they can block you on all social media platforms. Sometimes, it's a combination of all three. And let me tell you, it fucking sucks. It's not something you can just be cool about. Not usually at least. If you really care about that person it can make you feel helpless, used, and even like you're not enough. But to be clear, you are more than enough.

I've been ghosted a few times in my life, all of them harder to deal with than the last. One was a guy I wasn't romantically involved with but I definitely had an interest in him. Then one day, when I was on an entire other continent, grasping for anyone's attention at home to feel missed, he ghosted. For no reason. That time sucked more so because I felt very alone. I was studying abroad and was still early in my trip so I wasn't quite used to everything. I got over it pretty quick, but it still hurt.

Another time I felt very invested in this person. They were my best friend and someone I used to keep my grasp on reality. During our time together, it felt like everything I felt was mutual. And then when it all went down, when they decided to ghost me, I realized a lot of shit. I realized I was alone in that relationship. Everything I felt was real but thinking they felt the same way, that was all in my head. You can imagine the pain I felt as I became aware of this. But now, I feel good. I feel like I have nothing left to lose really but in the best way.

Although when someone ghosts you, it feels empty and you feel like everything that happened was just some crazy dream, it can be really clarifying. It can show you just how people operate, or how you operate. You figure out a lot of shit about yourself. You learn that feeling lonely is better than feeling betrayed or feeling like your feelings are hallucinations.

A piece of advice I can give is to find a creative outlet. I like to write so that's what I do. I write down everything. Every feeling I have or thought that I have, I put into words onto paper. I have actually contemplated publishing everything I have wrote out of heart break and hurtful places. I would take names out and intimate details that could be too revealing to that person, but trust me it's coming. I'll publish it eventually. I gotta get into the right head space before I do it. Sorry, I'm getting off topic. All I have left to say is getting ghosted makes you feel vulnerable, but relish in that feeling. Make sure you feel every part of it because it'll teach you a lot. Don't let it consume you. Just make sure you do feel it because then you know you'll be okay. It's when you stop feeling anything at all that you should worry.

~Feed the Soul