I Still Love You

Yeah I do. I still love you. Everyday. I think of you constantly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about running back to you. But I love myself more.

These thoughts often come up in our heads when we feel lonely, or broken. We think that a person can simply fix everything. They can take away the pain we feel or they can fill the void we have. That's wrong. We can feel whatever way we want to, as long as we remember why they are no longer in our lives. This could be an ex or even an old friend. Sometimes you have days where you think of them the entire day or everything is remidning you of them. But the hard truth is, when it ends, that's it. There is no more you and them, just you.

It took me a long time to understand the concept of truly being alone. Being alone doesn't mean you need to feel lonely. You have family and friends there to make you smile and love you. So when you suddenly feel the urge to text an ex, maybe you should. I know that sounds absolutely crazy and just stupid. But sometimes just letting someone know you are thinking of them or that you care, can really repair the emptiness you sometimes feel. Because in reality, even if these people aren't in our lives anymore, they are always in our hearts.

I think texting an ex can really bring you to closure and satisfaction. You deserve happiness and if you believe that messaging or calling them now and again can do that, then do it. Just respect boundaries. So yes, to my exes, I still love you. You have all taken a part of me with you that you may not see or understand, but when I love someone I love them with all of me. And the reasons we broke up aren't because of cheating or because we "fell out of love," but because you are not mine and I am not yours; at least not forever. And that's okay. I enjoyed you while I had you. I'll cherish memories and pictures for a lifetime.

I actually learned how to deal with this better from the movie Someone Great. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. That movie shows heartbreak, friendship, and closure in the most real ways. And I really relate to the main character Jenny because 1. I'm also a writer and 2. I've been through that breakup. We all have and if you haven't yet you will. It's the worst heartbreak to go through because you both still love each other more than words can describe, but you both know it just wasn't right. You know in your heart, that what you had was great while it lasted but it won't stand the test of time. And that's okay, too.

Life means there will be ups and downs which include make ups and break ups. Going through them with someone by your side surely makes them a bit easier, but face it we ultimately go through them alone. All you have in your head is you. Learn to be okay with that. Once you do, you won't feel as lonely.

I have definitely realized that my life is much better off without these people. That doesn't mean that I regret any relationship I have had in my lifetime. They all taught me different things about people and more importantly myself. I am more reserved now when it comes to meeting someone new and I think it's a good thing. I still try to give myself up emotionally when I do feel comfortable enough because if you don't the person will lose interest. I'm not a master of relationships and that is VERY clear, but I am always learning.

Right now I think I'm better off without a partner. I am so much more myself when I am single and not caught up in a relationship. I enjoy my friends so much and I am one of those girls who has more male friendships than female ones. That makes men uncomfortable when they try to get to know me in an intimate way because they think they are competing, but that's not the case. So until I find someone who is okay with that, then they don't really offer anything beneficial to my life.

In my opinion, I think that people should never compromise their own life for another person. "Relationships are about compromise." That is literal crap. Be you, and 100% of you. Because if another person doesn't want and love you for all of it then they aren't the one. You should never want someone to change in order to fit your image. Compromise is bullsit, live the way you want to live.

I have also learned to stop looking. Searching for a partner always brings you to the wrong people. This universe has someone perfectly picked out for you and eventually they will come along. I'd rather it be in the most natural way than force something to happen. So again, right now I'm just being me, by myself. And I'm loving every second of it.

~Feed the Soul